Relationships are bonds of familiarity formed between lovers, family, friends, and between people who are associated through work, membership, or tribal affiliation. Shared core values or beliefs are often central to the bonds that people form with each other. A human sometimes experiences an immediate attraction to another human. Have you found your soul mate? Have your olfactory glands detected the DNA of a tribal member, someone who shares an ancient link with you that hearkens to a people from the old country? If you form a relationship around an encounter, you should try to understand your goal, your investment, and your risk. Relationships can be life-altering events.
Follow your Heart or your Head
Romantics and other “live the moment” people are apt to follow their heart and form a bond with those people who excite them. Their reward could be to live the life of a character in a thriller novel! Their risk is to be fated to suffer a life of injustice and cruelty when the person with whom they have “clicked” turns out to be wholly “it’s all about me” focused. Those who follow their head, step back and make more rational decisions about their relationships. Safety, comfort, compatibility, and stability are some of their goals, and those things could become their rewards. Their risk is to be condemned to live a life with someone who has the personality of a squashed grape.
I am Stuck, or I Quit!
Finding out that you are incompatible with someone is best done before you have created a family. Yet, all over the world, people wait until after they have their family before they reach culmination in a relationship. I am stuck is also known as the unhappy marriage. I quit is known as divorce. Is there a way to not quit and also have happiness? Generally speaking, we cannot change another person into the person that we want them to be. However, we can do many things to make another person want to make changes. Size yourself up. Ask the one(s) with whom you have a relationship to do that. Do it for him/her if they don’t cooperate. Who are we dealing with? A positive person gives. Admirable core values like honesty, selflessness, and responsibility tend to go along with someone who derives pleasure in seeing someone else light up with happiness. A negative person takes. An increasing pattern of ruthless behavior can be seen in both the taker who gets what he/she wants and feels empowered to be bolder at taking and in the taker who is frustrated. How does a positive person survive a relationship with a negative person? Be aware, refuse to cooperate in being a victim, and create space.
We get to have many relationships, all at the same time, if we choose. Quitting a bad relationship may have to be your final decision, but a positive person can show a negative person how to be happy. A negative person can be convinced to make changes. Happy people have power. We are drawn to be around happy people like moths to the flame! Get out, make new friends, and go have fun. Take that happiness home with you. Block objections with kindness. If someone drags you down, you drag them back up. Avoid fights. Do not tolerate physical abuse or give in to mental abuse. Don’t criticize, threaten, or raise your voice. Instead, do a kindness. Fix something good to eat. Offer to ease a burden. Suggest something fun to do with the one who plays the part of the downer. This is not a one time thing. Do this every day, a day at a time, a week at a time. Establish benchmarks of happiness, measures of progress as you teach someone you used to like to be with to become that person again. Mark those victories and remind the other of them when he/she tries to slip back. This can be how you can mend a relationship. Get your strength from your sources of happiness and keep at it, because a relationship can be a life-altering event.